Thank you and Goodbye

Ms. Modern Manners invited friends out for a night of theatre. After the show, together they prowled the town for more fun. The group settled in at a hipster bar downtown, and after many rounds of drinks and good cheer, several friends left — without saying goodbye or thank you to Ms. Modern Manners.

Ms. Modern Manners was upset. She wondered if she was being too sensitive. After all, the bar was crowded and the group had spread out (and most of them thanked her after the show). Could her friends have looked for Ms. Modern Manners without seeing her? (No, she watched them walk out and they saw her, too). Did they drink too much and lose their etiquette faculties? Ms. Modern Manners was overcome with the spirit of the etiquette matriarchs. Tradition demands polite acknowledgment of parting, at a minimum. But times have changed. Should the departing friends have said goodbye to everyone in the group, only to the host, or were they absolved of all civilities toward everyone?

After reflection and consultation with well-mannered compatriots, Ms. Modern Manners decided that she may have been too sensitive; still, small niceties matter. She herself has left parties forgetting to thank the host and felt, as you can imagine, horrible afterwards because even petty offenses add up, making a mean and inconsiderate world. Ms. Modern Manners believes that her friends didn't mean to be rude, but they could have sought her out to thank her for organizing the evening. That also would have been a good time to bid farewell to the rest of the crew.

Simply, it is incumbent on all gentlepeople to say thank you and goodbye. As a guest, the moment it takes to seek out the host is a meaningful, kind gesture, and well worth the good feeling you'll have when it is your turn.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

This comes from a friend in New York City.

"I am a regular at my neighborhood restaurant. Whenever I go there, the waitstaff comps a round of drinks or dessert. What should I tip?"

Lucky you! Tip as much as you can. (Plenty.)

*

"Should I feel guilty about being able to cut the line at the same
restaurant listed above? I rarely go there on weekend nights because
it's so much more crowded than on weekday nights, but when I do, I'm
usually seated ahead of people who have been waiting at the bar. Is
this a breakdown of the implicit social contract I have with the
fellow patrons, or a validation of another separate implicit contract
I have with the staff there based on my exorbitant usual tipping (see
question above)?"

Make an earnest attempt to honor the other patrons' places in line but if the establishment insists, it's their call. Don't make a scene. Just go with it. Many businesses show their appreciation for especially valued customers, whether it's sitting a VIP in a special section or pre-boarding frequent fliers on an airline. Enjoy your status and be kind to the little people.

This isn't your grandparent's etiquette guide

Modern Manners envisions a world where kindness, consideration and respect for others guide our behavior.

Modern Manners extends to friends, family, colleagues and even to strangers. It's a world where everyone writes thank you notes, never shows up empty handed, and always RSVPs.

But this isn’t your grandparent’s etiquette guide — outmoded and possibly too traditional for your global, wired world. Modern Manners is for how we live today, current and kind navigation in an ever-changing, complex world.

Have a question? Have a quandary? Modern Manners is here to help.

Live Your Dreams

We heard you had a dream. A dream of sharing your guide to conduct with the world. Maybe a book. Maybe some magazine articles. Hey, why not run a blog?

"But, I'm not sure how to do that. And it seems like a lot of work."

Well, we've bought the domain name www.msmodernmanners.us - someone beat us to the .com ;-). (If you want us to we can buy it from them and use it instead.) We designed the website and set it up on blogspot.com. Welcome! Post away.

-Your friends

Happy Birthday Ms. Modern Manners

Modern M.
We thought that on this momentous day you might want to open a new chapter in your life, by writing a few chapters for others to lead their lives by.

Though the blog is only the first step, we hope it puts you in a position to share your credo with the world as some of the closest to you may never learn i.e. B.B.

Happy 3 + 5 B-Day

Your Urban Family.