Thank you and Goodbye

Ms. Modern Manners invited friends out for a night of theatre. After the show, together they prowled the town for more fun. The group settled in at a hipster bar downtown, and after many rounds of drinks and good cheer, several friends left — without saying goodbye or thank you to Ms. Modern Manners.

Ms. Modern Manners was upset. She wondered if she was being too sensitive. After all, the bar was crowded and the group had spread out (and most of them thanked her after the show). Could her friends have looked for Ms. Modern Manners without seeing her? (No, she watched them walk out and they saw her, too). Did they drink too much and lose their etiquette faculties? Ms. Modern Manners was overcome with the spirit of the etiquette matriarchs. Tradition demands polite acknowledgment of parting, at a minimum. But times have changed. Should the departing friends have said goodbye to everyone in the group, only to the host, or were they absolved of all civilities toward everyone?

After reflection and consultation with well-mannered compatriots, Ms. Modern Manners decided that she may have been too sensitive; still, small niceties matter. She herself has left parties forgetting to thank the host and felt, as you can imagine, horrible afterwards because even petty offenses add up, making a mean and inconsiderate world. Ms. Modern Manners believes that her friends didn't mean to be rude, but they could have sought her out to thank her for organizing the evening. That also would have been a good time to bid farewell to the rest of the crew.

Simply, it is incumbent on all gentlepeople to say thank you and goodbye. As a guest, the moment it takes to seek out the host is a meaningful, kind gesture, and well worth the good feeling you'll have when it is your turn.