Ms. Modern Manners was presented with a very modern quandary. "A colleague's mother passed away. Is it modern manners to write a condolence note by email?"
Ms. Modern Manners, who loves her email, didn't bat an eyelash: a handwritten note expressing sympathy, honestly and with care, is best. Ms. Modern Manners has a weakness for all things stationery so you might hastily dismiss her advice but a handwritten note shows extra effort. To MMM's despair, a handwritten note stands out these days and is a welcome and unexpected gift in a world of constant texts, tweets and emails.
The expression of sympathy is what matters most so if email is your only option then compose away.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Friday, June 8, 2012
To eat or not to eat
Ms. Modern Manners was recently dining with her mother when the owner of a restaurant sent over a delicious appetizer on the house. Ms. Modern Manners and mom were touched. They then proceeded to get into a heated discussion about their obligation to eat, or not to eat, the tasty treat.
Mom thanked the owner but believed they were under no obligation to eat the appetizer. Mom was watching her figure and has a few food allergies so she wasn't willing to sacrifice her health or waistline for a moment on the lips. Ms. Modern Manners strongly disagreed. Mom wasn't allergic to what he sent, she just didn't want to eat it. And, in her opinion, it was incumbent upon them to show their thanks by eating what he sent.
Last night, Ms. Modern Manners and friends were out at their favorite watering hole and trays of food arrived from the the owner. This is common place: almost every time Ms. Modern Manners visits this divine saloon she is treated to delicious drinks and food. And each and every time she continues to be extremely grateful and touched by the special treatment and the sentiment behind the gift of food and drink. Ms. Modern Manners has gained more than a few pounds thanks to this owner's generosity and love. And she continues to be touched. She hugs him, thanks him profusely, and eats the delicious food, feeling lucky to be treated so kindly.
Food and drink are expressions of thanks for loyalty and patronage. Through appetizers, warm chocolate chip cookies, and cocktails, these restauranteurs show love and thanks.
So, my friends, eat those truffle fries! Smile and say thank you more than once. Tip the waitstaff extra and enjoy the VIP treatment.
Mom thanked the owner but believed they were under no obligation to eat the appetizer. Mom was watching her figure and has a few food allergies so she wasn't willing to sacrifice her health or waistline for a moment on the lips. Ms. Modern Manners strongly disagreed. Mom wasn't allergic to what he sent, she just didn't want to eat it. And, in her opinion, it was incumbent upon them to show their thanks by eating what he sent.
Last night, Ms. Modern Manners and friends were out at their favorite watering hole and trays of food arrived from the the owner. This is common place: almost every time Ms. Modern Manners visits this divine saloon she is treated to delicious drinks and food. And each and every time she continues to be extremely grateful and touched by the special treatment and the sentiment behind the gift of food and drink. Ms. Modern Manners has gained more than a few pounds thanks to this owner's generosity and love. And she continues to be touched. She hugs him, thanks him profusely, and eats the delicious food, feeling lucky to be treated so kindly.
Food and drink are expressions of thanks for loyalty and patronage. Through appetizers, warm chocolate chip cookies, and cocktails, these restauranteurs show love and thanks.
So, my friends, eat those truffle fries! Smile and say thank you more than once. Tip the waitstaff extra and enjoy the VIP treatment.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Thank you and Goodbye
Ms. Modern Manners invited friends out for a night of theatre. After the show, together they prowled the town for more fun. The group settled in at a hipster bar downtown, and after many rounds of drinks and good cheer, several friends left — without saying goodbye or thank you to Ms. Modern Manners.
Ms. Modern Manners was upset. She wondered if she was being too sensitive. After all, the bar was crowded and the group had spread out (and most of them thanked her after the show). Could her friends have looked for Ms. Modern Manners without seeing her? (No, she watched them walk out and they saw her, too). Did they drink too much and lose their etiquette faculties? Ms. Modern Manners was overcome with the spirit of the etiquette matriarchs. Tradition demands polite acknowledgment of parting, at a minimum. But times have changed. Should the departing friends have said goodbye to everyone in the group, only to the host, or were they absolved of all civilities toward everyone?
After reflection and consultation with well-mannered compatriots, Ms. Modern Manners decided that she may have been too sensitive; still, small niceties matter. She herself has left parties forgetting to thank the host and felt, as you can imagine, horrible afterwards because even petty offenses add up, making a mean and inconsiderate world. Ms. Modern Manners believes that her friends didn't mean to be rude, but they could have sought her out to thank her for organizing the evening. That also would have been a good time to bid farewell to the rest of the crew.
Simply, it is incumbent on all gentlepeople to say thank you and goodbye. As a guest, the moment it takes to seek out the host is a meaningful, kind gesture, and well worth the good feeling you'll have when it is your turn.
Ms. Modern Manners was upset. She wondered if she was being too sensitive. After all, the bar was crowded and the group had spread out (and most of them thanked her after the show). Could her friends have looked for Ms. Modern Manners without seeing her? (No, she watched them walk out and they saw her, too). Did they drink too much and lose their etiquette faculties? Ms. Modern Manners was overcome with the spirit of the etiquette matriarchs. Tradition demands polite acknowledgment of parting, at a minimum. But times have changed. Should the departing friends have said goodbye to everyone in the group, only to the host, or were they absolved of all civilities toward everyone?
After reflection and consultation with well-mannered compatriots, Ms. Modern Manners decided that she may have been too sensitive; still, small niceties matter. She herself has left parties forgetting to thank the host and felt, as you can imagine, horrible afterwards because even petty offenses add up, making a mean and inconsiderate world. Ms. Modern Manners believes that her friends didn't mean to be rude, but they could have sought her out to thank her for organizing the evening. That also would have been a good time to bid farewell to the rest of the crew.
Simply, it is incumbent on all gentlepeople to say thank you and goodbye. As a guest, the moment it takes to seek out the host is a meaningful, kind gesture, and well worth the good feeling you'll have when it is your turn.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Where Everybody Knows Your Name
This comes from a friend in New York City.
"I am a regular at my neighborhood restaurant. Whenever I go there, the waitstaff comps a round of drinks or dessert. What should I tip?"
Lucky you! Tip as much as you can. (Plenty.)
*
"Should I feel guilty about being able to cut the line at the same
restaurant listed above? I rarely go there on weekend nights because
it's so much more crowded than on weekday nights, but when I do, I'm
usually seated ahead of people who have been waiting at the bar. Is
this a breakdown of the implicit social contract I have with the
fellow patrons, or a validation of another separate implicit contract
I have with the staff there based on my exorbitant usual tipping (see
question above)?"
Make an earnest attempt to honor the other patrons' places in line but if the establishment insists, it's their call. Don't make a scene. Just go with it. Many businesses show their appreciation for especially valued customers, whether it's sitting a VIP in a special section or pre-boarding frequent fliers on an airline. Enjoy your status and be kind to the little people.
"I am a regular at my neighborhood restaurant. Whenever I go there, the waitstaff comps a round of drinks or dessert. What should I tip?"
Lucky you! Tip as much as you can. (Plenty.)
*
"Should I feel guilty about being able to cut the line at the same
restaurant listed above? I rarely go there on weekend nights because
it's so much more crowded than on weekday nights, but when I do, I'm
usually seated ahead of people who have been waiting at the bar. Is
this a breakdown of the implicit social contract I have with the
fellow patrons, or a validation of another separate implicit contract
I have with the staff there based on my exorbitant usual tipping (see
question above)?"
Make an earnest attempt to honor the other patrons' places in line but if the establishment insists, it's their call. Don't make a scene. Just go with it. Many businesses show their appreciation for especially valued customers, whether it's sitting a VIP in a special section or pre-boarding frequent fliers on an airline. Enjoy your status and be kind to the little people.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
This isn't your grandparent's etiquette guide
Modern Manners envisions a world where kindness, consideration and respect for others guide our behavior.
Modern Manners extends to friends, family, colleagues and even to strangers. It's a world where everyone writes thank you notes, never shows up empty handed, and always RSVPs.
But this isn’t your grandparent’s etiquette guide — outmoded and possibly too traditional for your global, wired world. Modern Manners is for how we live today, current and kind navigation in an ever-changing, complex world.
Have a question? Have a quandary? Modern Manners is here to help.
Modern Manners extends to friends, family, colleagues and even to strangers. It's a world where everyone writes thank you notes, never shows up empty handed, and always RSVPs.
But this isn’t your grandparent’s etiquette guide — outmoded and possibly too traditional for your global, wired world. Modern Manners is for how we live today, current and kind navigation in an ever-changing, complex world.
Have a question? Have a quandary? Modern Manners is here to help.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Live Your Dreams
We heard you had a dream. A dream of sharing your guide to conduct with the world. Maybe a book. Maybe some magazine articles. Hey, why not run a blog?
"But, I'm not sure how to do that. And it seems like a lot of work."
Well, we've bought the domain name www.msmodernmanners.us - someone beat us to the .com ;-). (If you want us to we can buy it from them and use it instead.) We designed the website and set it up on blogspot.com. Welcome! Post away.
-Your friends
"But, I'm not sure how to do that. And it seems like a lot of work."
Well, we've bought the domain name www.msmodernmanners.us - someone beat us to the .com ;-). (If you want us to we can buy it from them and use it instead.) We designed the website and set it up on blogspot.com. Welcome! Post away.
-Your friends
Monday, January 21, 2008
Happy Birthday Ms. Modern Manners
Modern M.
We thought that on this momentous day you might want to open a new chapter in your life, by writing a few chapters for others to lead their lives by.
Though the blog is only the first step, we hope it puts you in a position to share your credo with the world as some of the closest to you may never learn i.e. B.B.
Happy 3 + 5 B-Day
Your Urban Family.
We thought that on this momentous day you might want to open a new chapter in your life, by writing a few chapters for others to lead their lives by.
Though the blog is only the first step, we hope it puts you in a position to share your credo with the world as some of the closest to you may never learn i.e. B.B.
Happy 3 + 5 B-Day
Your Urban Family.
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